In Which the Doctor Is Sassy and Other Stories
by Impossible Oswin
Summary: A series of humorous oneshots under "In Which The Doctor Is..." Now contains a table of contents. R&R!
1. In Which The Doctor is Sassy

**Disclaimer: I am not the BBC. I do not own Doctor Who. Sadly. **

In which the Doctor….

Is Sassy.

"Doctor," Clara swallowed, uncertain. She stared apprehensively at the dark void ahead of her, pondering her two options that would determine her fate forever: Jump in and save 4000 Space Barcelonian No-Nosed Dogs…. Or save herself, leaving them and the Doctor to die. She closed her eyes. "I- I think I'm going to jump. Just… I want to ask you a favor. Don't forget me. Run away, save yourself…. Run, you clever boy. And remember."

Silence.

"Hello?" The girl cracked an eye open, peeking at her time lord. He was sitting on a bench a couple feet away, filing his nails with his sonic screwdriver.

He looked up, flicking his hair away sassily. "Sorry, what now?"

"Doctor! I'm about to sacrifice my life for you! And all you can say is, 'What now'?! I am about to DIE!" She crossed her arms, visibly upset.

"Two things. First," The Doctor held up his newly groomed pointer finger. "I said 'sorry what now.' Not just 'what now'. And second," He flipped his hand around, extending a second. "No, you're not."

"Not what?"

"About to die. Girl, this is your forty-second life. You have died so many times I can't even keep my fabulous hair straight."

"That didn't even make sense."

"You don't make sense, woman!" Then he paused. She actually didn't make sense, lol. How does one die forty-two times and still be alive? Oh, well. He'd figure it out during the season finale.

"You're making me not want to save myself for you. Why can't you just jump in, huh?" Clara smoothed her dress out and stepped away from the void.

"Girl!" The Doctor placed a hand on his hip. "I am the Doctor. The Doctor. Check yourself!"

Clara marched up to her friend, picked him up, and tossed him into the void.

But he was too fabulous to care.

**Thanks for reading! Planning for this to be a series of, "In Which the Doctor is..." oneshots. If you liked it, review and follow/favorite! If you hated it, review and tell me why! And if you review, it maybe possibly increases the chances that the Doctor will land in your yard. **


	2. Table of Contents

**Hello, and welcome to In Which The Doctor is Sassy and Other Stories! Here's the table of contents with a brief summary of each of the oneshots.**

* * *

_TABLE OF CONTENTS_

1. **In Which the Doctor is Sassy:** _The Doctor is sassy, and Clara is not amused._

2. **Table of Contents (This)**

3. **Is ****Captain Jack Harkness:** _What would life be like if the Doctor was Captain Jack Harkness?_

4. **Is Horrified:** _The Doctor discovers fanfiction._

5. **Is the Responsible One:** _The Doctor has to make a tough decision._

6. **Acquires a Cellphone:** _Text messages from the Doctor._

7. **Freestyles:** _The Doctor tries a new method of fighting Daleks._

8.** Lies:** _Set during Amy's Choice… What was the Doctor really dreaming about?_

9. **Is Surprised:** _Regeneration doesn't always go as planned._

10. **Is Fed Up: **_The Doctor is fed up with the camera crew always following him around._

11. **Is A Banana: **_Exactly what it says: In Which the Doctor is a banana._


	3. Is Captain Jack Harkness

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. If I did, Jack would be back on the show.**

**In which the Doctor….**

**Is Captain Jack Harkness.**

"Dear Santa," Amelia Pond kneeled by her bed, her eyes closed, her hands clasped in prayer. "Thank you for the dolls, and the pencils, and the fish."

She had decided to begin with a nice, sweet introduction of thank-yous. It seemed a lot less complain-y.

"It's easter now, so I hope I didn't wake you," the little girl apologized. "But, honest, it is an emergency. There's a crack in my wall…" Glancing back nervously at the long line that ran across the side of her room, she continued. "Aunt Sharon says it's just an ordinary crack, but I know it's not, because at night… There's voices."

The voices scared her. They would scare any little girl: deep and dark, echoing from what she thought was just a normal room? Amelia took a deep breath and began to complete her message.

"So please, please could you send someone to fix it? Or a policeman -" Suddenly, a crash sounded outside and Amelia froze. Intruders? She was home alone… this could be bad. Grabbing a flashlight, she hopped up with a quick, "Back in a moment" and crept towards her window.

There was a strange box in her yard: one that definitely had not been there before. After peering closer, she caught sight of the words, "Police Public Call Box" printed on the top.

"Thank you, Santa."

Jogging down the stairs, Amelia grabbed a coat off of the couch and pulled the door open. She walked towards the large blue thing until she had come to a stop about a two yards away. What to do now?

Suddenly, a hand appeared at the brim of the wall of the box. Then a second. The little girl watched with wide eyes as a man with short brown hair peeked over the edge.

He laughed loudly, then shouted to someone inside his box. "Talk about a ride, huh?" The man stopped, spotting the Amelia in front of him. "Oh, hello, little girl."

"Are you alright?" She frowned at this strange person, wondering who he could possibly be shouting to in such a small structure.

He smiled and gave another hearty laugh before sighing. "I'm quite alright. Thanks for asking."

Suddenly a girl popped up next to him. She had dark skin and beautiful eyes. The man grinned at her and put his arm around her. "Glad you could join the party, Martha. Meet..."

"Amelia."

"Amelia. Doctor Jack Harkness. I think we've seemed to have crashed into your garden... Sorry 'bout that."

Another woman appeared on the other side of Jack. She had shoulder length blonde hair, and giggled when the Doctor put his other arm around her. "Rose," he greeted her.

A third face peeked out from behind the trio. "Chan - have we landed - tho?" Amelia's eyes widened - the woman was blue with strange, bug-like features.

They all hopped out of the box, followed by a line of other women and several men.

"Who are you?" Amelia breathed.

"I'm the Doctor."

"And we're his companions," chorused the horde of people behind him.

The seven-year-old girl pointed to the fence surrounding her yard. "There's the exit," she frowned. "I hope you don't think I'm going to feed you all, because that would just be ridiculous."

And that's basically what life would be like if the Doctor was Captain Jack Harkness!

**Thanks for reading! If you liked it, review and follow/favorite! If you hated it, review and tell me why! And if you review, it maybe probably increases the chances that the Doctor will land in your yard.**

**Leave your suggestions in the reviews!**


	4. Is Horrified

**Disclaimer: If you've gotten this far, you know that I don't own Doctor Who. **

**In Which The Doctor...**

**Is horrified.**

_"The thing is, Rory," the Doctor placed his hands on his companion's shoulders. "I love you."_

_"Doctor, I love you, too."_

_The two time travelers smiled at each other, deeply infatuated, then slowly leaned in for a -_

"AMYYYYYYYY!" The Doctor leapt to his feet, knocking the chair out from under him.

His redheaded friend appeared at the doorway. "What is it, Doctor?" She frowned at his horrified expression: his face was white as a sheet. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Shaking his head wildly, the Doctor flailed his arms at the computer in front of him. "These... These... Humans. They write these stories about us... On the INTERNET. And they're just... Just...!"

Amy raised an eyebrow and leaned over to the screen. Her eyes darted back and forth as she read the passage, scrolling down.

"Yeah... That's just, like, ew, right?" She laughed nervously as Rory walked into the room.

"What's happened? I heard... screaming?"

The Doctor's eyes widened and he made a quick move to cover the computer's monitor. "Screaming? Me? What? No! That's completely ridiculous. Nothing to see here, why don't you pop off to the kitchen, there's still some leftover jammy dodgers."

_Fanfiction,_ the Doctor thought as he led Rory out of the room. Is a_bsolutely preposterous! Why would Rose ever fall in love with a Dalek! And Doctor whump?! Doctor whump is most definitely not cool._

Nobody noticed as Amy slyly leaned towards the computer and selected "bookmark page."

**Thank you to WholockedAnglofile for the suggestion! Keep 'em coming!**

**Thanks for reading! If you liked it, review and follow/favorite! If you hated it, review and tell me why! And if you review, it maybe possibly increases the chances that the Doctor will land in your yard.**


	5. Is the Responsible One

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. *sobs***

**In Which The Doctor...**

**Is the responsible one.**

**The Doctor is in the process of making a really important choice. Like, super important.**

"Should I or should I not..." The Doctor thought to himself as he adjusted his bow tie. There were so many pros... But there could be cons. But the pros! But the cons... This could change his future forever. He had to make this choice.

He reached up and -

ZAP!

"Doctor! Stop what you're doing!" Amy appeared in front of the surprised Timelord with a vortex manipulator and a jammy dodger.

"Amy?! But I just sent you off to the T.A.R.D.I.S with Rory!"

"I'm not Amy. Well, not your Amy. I'm ten-minutes-from-now-Amy. And I'm telling you, you're making the wrong choice."

"But I h-"

ZAP!

"Hello! Doctor. Hah, that's funny. Because, you're the Doctor, and well, so am I." The Doctor smiled at the Doctor.

"How can you be the Doctor? What about the paradoxes?!"

"Well, you see, I'm twenty-minutes-from-now-Doctor, and, contrary to what dear ten-minutes-from-now-Pond said, you are definitely about to make the right choice."

ZAP!

"Doctor! Stop! Don't listen to twenty-minutes-from-then Doctor!"

The original Doctor sighed. "Who are you?"

"I'm half-an-hour-from-now River!"

ZAP!

"Well, I'm a year-from-now-Doctor! And you should most certainly continue on your way."

Half-an-hour-from-now-River looked around the room. "Three Doctors? Ooh..."

Ten-minutes-from-now-Amy raised an eyebrow and looked at year-from-now-Doctor. "Why should we listen to you?"

"Because I'm a year older than you all and that makes me the responsible one!"

"But..." Started twenty-minutes-from-now-Doctor. Then he paused. "Wait. Where is now-Doctor?"

The gang turned to see now-Doctor smiling back at them from the checkout aisle. Both future-Doctors whooped and grinned as original-Doctor shouted, "I don't care what you say, I've made my choice. I'm buying this fez!"

Amy frowned and took a bite of her jammy dodger as the Doctor walked into the T.A.R.D.I.S wearing his new fez. "Did you have to buy that?"

He nodded. "It was a choice I had to make."

She paused, thinking, before saying, "Can I see your vortex manipulator?"

The gullible Timelord reached into his inner pocket and tossed it to her. She smiled. "Thanks!"

ZAP!

"Note to self," the Doctor said to a speechless Rory. "Don't let everyone borrow the vortex."

**Thanks for reading! If you liked it, review and follow/favorite! If you hated it, review and tell me why! And if you review, it maybe possibly increases the chances that the Doctor will land in your yard.**


	6. Acquires A Cellphone

**Disclaimer: Although I own a cell phone, I do not own Doctor Who.**

* * *

**In Which the Doctor...**

**Acquires a cell phone.**

The Doctor smiled down at his new device. He'd always thought cell phones were petty human devices used to waste time away... But texting was surprisingly fun!

* * *

**September 1, 4:00 PM: (111)111-1111**

River! Hello!

**River Song**

Who is this?

**(111)111-1111**

It's meeeeee!

**River Song**

And who exactly might "meeeeee" be?

**(111)111-1111**

Doctor. I text now. Texting is cool. Emojis! :) ;) :P

**River Song**

Oh no...

**September 7, 3:00 AM: The Doctor**

River let's go party at Jim the Fish's tank

**River Song**

This is Amy. River left her phone here.

**The Doctor**

Yes, well, this is... Bob.

**River Song**

Doctor, I know it's you. Caller ID

**The Doctor**

Yes, well, it was worth a shot!

**River Song**

Now get to bed, and no more partying at three AM.

**The Doctor**

Yes. MUM. :(

**September 9, 12:00 PM: The Doctor**

River I wrote a song

**River Song**

That's wonderful, Sweetie.

**The Doctor**

It goes like this:

**The Doctor**

Doooeeeeooooooooo! Weeeeooooeeeeee! DOOO DOOO doooooo doooooo da doooooo...

**River Song**

...

**The Doctor**

I take it that you like it?

**River Song**

Oh, Sweetie.

**The Doctor**

I think it sounded better in my head.

**September 12, 2:47 AM: Amy Pond**

Where are you

**The Doctor**

Where am I? I'm sleeping! Duh. In my room which you should not go to check because I'm totally in there.

**Amy Pond**

Doctor, if you're out partying with River again, so help me I'll…

**The Doctor**

...Gotta go bi.

**Amy Pond**

Doctor!

**Amy Pond**

Doctor WHERE ARE YOU

**Amy Pond**

Fine, be that way. But I'd better be invited to the next party.

**Date not found, Time not found: The Doctor**

Pond, I…. I know you can't receive this, but… I hope you and Rory are having a nice time in the 1930s.

**Message not sent: This number no longer exists.**

* * *

**So I guess there was a bit of unexpected angst there at the end... I just rewatched the Angels Take Manhattan!**

**Thanks for reading! If you liked it, review and follow/favorite! If you hated it, review and tell me why! And if you review, it maybe possibly increases the chances that the Doctor will land in your yard.**


	7. Freestyles

**Disclaimer: Just checked... Still don't own it.**

* * *

**In Which the Doctor...**

**Freestyles.**

"Doctor," Clara breathed. "What do I do?" Her eyes widened as the Dalek neared closer and she felt her back pressed against the wall.

"Well, Clara..." Thought the time lord. He pressed a button on his sonic screwdriver and it turned into a microphone.

_Yeah, my name is the Doctor_

_But Doctor who?_

_You're just a dalek charging for us_

_Don't know what to do!_

"What are you doing?" Clara frowned. "Are you _rapping?_!"

_I've got a sonic in my hand_

_You've got a plunger for yours_

_Mine does way more than a plunger!_

_'Cept for wooden doors._

"WHAT IS THIS TREACHARY." The Dalek froze. "EXPLAIN. EXPLAAAAAAAAIN!"

_So, now you're coming towards us_

_And I need a plan_

_You're slowly getting closer_

_This is bad, like, man!_

"Please let this be a dream, please let this be a dream," Clara closed her eyes and prayed to the heavens.

_But if you stop right there_

_Then we can talk it out!_

_Because my name is the Doctor,_

_Now hear me sh-_

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS SPOKEN RHYME SCHEME?!" The Dalek began to spin in circles. "I DO NOT COMPUTE. EXPLAIN, EXPLAIN, EXPLAAAAAAAAAIN!"

_I'm the Doctor, yeah, the Doctor!_

_But who are you?_

_My companion's by my side,_

_Askin', "Doctor Who?"_

_I'm the Doctor, yeah, the Doctor!_

_You'll never know!_

_Just don't call me "Doctor Who"_

_'Cause that's the name of the show!_

Steam began to pour out of the dalek as it spun faster and faster. "I DO NOT COMPUTE. DALEKS HAVE NO MEANING OF FREESTYLE. EXPLAIN! EXPLAIN! EXPLAIN! EXPL-"

It exploded into millions of pieces. The Doctor was too fly for its Dalekness to withstand.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! If you liked it, review and follow/favorite! If you hated it, review and tell me why! And if you review, it maybe possibly increases the chances that the Doctor will land in your yard.**

**Thanks to all of you who've gotten this far! As always, love suggestions!**


	8. Lies

**Disclaimer: Eenie meanie minie moo. I do not own Doctor Who.**

**In Which The Doctor…**

**Lies.**

He didn't know what was happening. He didn't know how he'd gotten there, or under what circumstances, or even how. All he knew was that he had to get out as soon as possible.

"So, Doctor," one of them stepped forward with the dreaded question. "Which one of us do you like best?"

"I'm sorry, guys," Rose smiled, her tongue in between her teeth. "But it's me. I'm clearly the Doctor's favorite, ask anyone."

"Oh, please," Martha put a hand on her hip. "You're just the blonde helpless girl who needs him, that's why he lets you stay with him."

"Oh, yeah? He burned up a sun for me! What did he burn up for you, eh?"

"Rose! Stop it! Stop fighting!" The Doctor stepped in between the two. "I like you all!"

"Yeah, but you like me best, right?" Martha raised an eyebrow.

"She started it," muttered Rose.

Nefertiti stepped forward, smirking, and our favorite Time lord stepped backward nervously. "Doctor, we had unfinished business, back there, before we ran off to that spaceship."

"But… but… what about John Riddell!" The Doctor spluttered, adjusting his bow tie.

"Eh."

"Eh?!"

"You forgot something: Once you dropped us off, I couldn't understand a word he said."

"Argh! TARDIS translater..."

A girl with short pigtails raised her hand. "What about me? I sacrificed my life for you!"

"Uh… who are you, again?"

"You don't remember?! We were in that reality game show together! On Satellite 5!"

"If you're dead, how are you…?"

"Trust the Doctor not to remember," Amy shook her head.

He straightened his bow tie. "Oi! That's incredibly offensive! You try remembering every single person you've ever met."

"Maybe I could, if you hadn't let a crack in time suck up my life in those twelve years where you were _supposed_ to come for me!"

"That… That… Shut up!"

"Ladies, you all must know, I'm the Doctor's favorite." Madame de Pompadour smiled brilliantly at the girls surrounding the increasingly uncomfortable man. "He was with me since I was a child. That's an incredibly long time!"

Amy, Sarah Jane, and Mels snorted.

"What about me," Mata Hari looked at the Doctor. "Am I not the one you love the best?"

Clara tilted her head to the side. "Are you Mata Hari?"

"I met you _once_ in a hotel room!" The Doctor insisted.

"_Aaaaaaaaaaaaah_," sung the siren as a black spot formed on the Doctor's forehead.

"Ladies, I hate to brag, but the Doctor and I have a bond none of you can break. Right, Doctor?" Captain Jack Harkness put an arm around the Doctor and grinned.

"What? Who are you? What is this place?" Donna Noble looked around the TARDIS, confused and bewildered as memories tried to push past into her mind. *****

Meanwhile, River and Idris stood, leaning against the wall, giggling at the site of their Doctor being bombarded with you-like-me-best-bribes.

...

"WAH!" The Doctor sat up, rubbing his head. "I just had a terrible nightmare. Awful. So strange for me to just dose off like that."

"Yeah, Doctor, I had a pretty weird dream too..." Amy sat up, also having just woken up.

"Same with me." Rory frowned.

"In mine, we were living together in a cute village, and I was pregnant, and you were a doctor, and you had a pony tail."

Rory's frown increased, puzzled. "Strange... That was my dream, too... The perfect life, right? Well, maybe not so much pony tail."

The Doctor cleared his throat, straightening his bow tie. "Yeah. That... That was my dream, too. Exactly that. Um."

* * *

***[Insert apology here]**

**If you didn't get the end, it's referencing Amy's Choice with the dream lord.**

**Thanks for reading! Continue to give suggestions and reviews! Thanks! :D**


	9. Is Suprised

**Disclaimer: Much to my sadness, I still do not own Doctor Who.**

**In which the Doctor….**

**Is surprised.**

The Doctor smiled sadly, tears forming at the edges of his dark eyes.

"Geronimo," he whispered as Clara stood back, her hands squeezed tightly into fists beside her.

Suddenly, bursts of golden light shot out of his limbs as the T.A.R.D.I.S began to shake with energy.

Clara averted her eyes.

And then it was over.

Silence.

"Doctor?" Slowly, the Doctor's companion looked up. In her time lord's place stood a tall alien in serving clothes. It was rather strange-looking. "Oh, my."

The Doctor now held a small, circular ball. It glowed green as he spoke in a computerized, unemotional male voice.

"Clara... I - I seem to have transformed myself into... Into an ood."

The girl took a step back. "Say what?!"

"An... Ood..."

She swallowed, speechless. The now ood blinked twice.

"Well, this is a bit unfortunate." He held up his hand and began to examine it, giggling in a creepy ood-like way.

"Ehehehehehe," The ood giggled. Ever heard an ood giggle? No? Good, because an ood laughing would probably be the freakiest thing in the universe. "My hand is gloved now. Gloves are cool."

Slowly, Clara backed away. Then she ran out of the TARDIS as fast as she could. Because, like, who in their right mind would stay in a box with a scary giggling ood with a sonic screwdriver?

**Thanks for reading! If you liked it, review and follow/favorite! If you hated it, review and tell me why! And if you review, it maybe possibly increases the chances that the Doctor will land in your yard.**

**Coming soon: In Which The Doctor is Captain Jack Harkness**


	10. Is Fed Up

**Disclaimer: You know.**

**In Which The Doctor…**

**Is fed up.**

**Thanks goes to WholockedAnglophile for another great idea!**

* * *

He was surprised that it'd taken him so long to notice - longer than he was proud of.

It had started with his regeneration.

_Gold light began to shimmer around the room. "I don't want to -" The Doctor stopped, mid-sentence. Was someone sobbing? "So sorry, but how exactly did you get in here?"_

_A man holding a video camera wiped a tear off his face. "You didn't notice? We've been here your whole -" he was cut off by a brilliant flash of golden light as the Doctor transformed into a new man._

* * *

Then again, with the weeping angels.

_The Doctor held the speaking device to his mouth, pacing about as the lights flickered. "This trap has for a great, big mistake - a great, big whopping-" He stopped and looked directly at the camera, a bewildered look upon his face._

_"OI! You there!"_

_The man holding the camera blinked, then looked behind himself to be sure the Doctor was addressing him._

_The time lord frowned. "Yes, you! I am talking! Put that camera away! If you catch an angel on tape there could be dreadful consequences. The image of an angel BECOMES an angel!"_

_Amy raised an eyebrow. "Uh, yeah, who's that?" She took a step beside the Doctor and put a hand on her hip._

_"I'm the camera g-" the man started._

_"You're a strange little man who keeps following me!"_

_The camera guy frowned. "Actually, we've got a whole team. Just look around."_

_"What tea-" The soldiers, River, Amy, and the Doctor jumped. How had they not noticed the seven camera dudes following them around earlier?! "Oi! You lot! How long've you been standing there?!"_

_One of them rubbed his eye. "Uh, since, like, four AM, I dunno. What time is it?"_

_River held up her gun. "Time for you to go."_

* * *

Then things started to get a bit out of hand.

_The Doctor frowned at the options provided for him. Soap was for... Hair, right? That must be it. Back in the TARDIS, showering was so much easier. You just stood there while you got sprayed with different things._

_He soaped down his hair and wrung it out through the shower. Ah, he loved his hair. So long, so luscious._

_The Doctor felt like singing. He'd never sung in a human shower before. Well, he'd never been in a human shower before._

_"LA DONNA MOBIIIIIIIILE," he belted. "QUAL PIUMA AL VENTOOOO. MUTA D'ACCENTO -"_

_Knock, knock, knock. "Doctor?" Craig's voice sounded from beyond the door._

_He stopped singing. The Doctor didn't especially like knocking. Knocking meant bad things. Last time he's heard knocking... Well. Then again, he was in the shower. Knocking was good, then. Good._

_"Hellooooo?" He called back._

_"How long are you gonna be in there?"_

_"Oh, sorry," the Timelord apologized. "I like a good soak!" Getting a good soak in the TARDIS was easier. You didn't have to move._

_Craig was muttering something inaudible._

_"What did you say?" The Doctor shouted._

_It was hard to hear with such a loud shower. "...upstairs...if...okay..."_

_"Sorry?" The Doctor asked. He hoped Craig wasn't going upstairs. That wouldn't be a good idea._

_Silence._

_"What did you say?" He asked again._

_No response. This was bad - this was very, very not good. He'd better check._

_He poked his head out. "Crai- AH!"_

_There was a man with a camera standing outside of the shower._

_"You! Ah! What do you think you're doing! Turn that off!"_

_"But... This is my job," said the camera guy._

_"What kind of a job is that?! Who do you work for?!"_

_"Uh... The BBC?"_

_"Well," the Doctor growled. "Tell the BBC to LEAVE ME ALONE YOU CREEPOS!"_

_He slipped out and fell and the curtain fell on top of him. "Ow, ow, ow!" Gotta save Craig. He'd deal with the - What was it? That blasted BBC -later._

* * *

He'd thought he'd finally gotten rid of them.

_"Who's that?" Clara stared at the man in front of her, his back turned._

_"He's me," answered the Doctor grimly. "There's only me here, that's the point. Now let's get back." It was dangerous to stay in your own time stream for too long._

_"But I never saw that one," Clara persisted. "I saw all of you. Eleven faces, all of them you! You're the eleventh Doctor." She looked up at him and he shook his head, eyes squinted shut._

_"I said he was me. I never said he was the Doctor."_

_"I don't understand."_

_He put a hand to his head and looked Clara in the eye. "My name, my real name - that is not the point. The name I chose is the Doctor. The name you choose - it's like a promise you make."_

_Clara frowned; she didn't understand. He continued. "He's the one who broke the pro - OH NOT YOU AGAIN!"_

_The impossible girl turned to see a camera crew each pointing their devices towards them. "What? How long have you been standing there?"_

_The camera guy (the same one was always) looked around. "We've been here the whole time… We never left…."_

_The Doctor put his angry face on (the really scary one) and pointed a finger at all of them. "You - out. I don't want to see you in my life ever again. This has gone TOO FAR. My time stream?! You actually went into my TIME STREAM!"_

_The crew sheepishly backed away on the advancing Timelord and switched their cameras off._

_"It's okay," whispered one of them into the video microphone. "We'll be back for the fiftieth anniversary."_

* * *

**So, at least he got rid of them for a couple months, right?**

**- Impossible Oswin**


	11. Is a Banana

**Reminiscent of "Doctor Shark" by thewhitepatch.**

**In Which the Doctor...**

**Is a banana.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Amelia Pond frowned at the Doctor. "If you're a doctor, why does your box say 'police'?"

The Doctor did not respond.

He is a banana.

Bananas have no capability of speech.

...

"Doctor," Amy pleaded. "Do something! The Daleks are killing _everyone_!"

The Doctor fell over, sideways, onto the table.

Bananas cannot stand.

...

"I'm coping on my own!" Craig threw the door open to see a banana lying on his doorstep.

It did not move.

The Doctor is a banana, and bananas do not move.

...

"Here," Amy tossed Vincent Van Gogh the Doctor-banana. "You can paint him. Maybe that'll make him happy."

But it didn't.

Bananas do not have emotions.

* * *

**I don't really know, either.**

**- Impossible Oswin**


End file.
